Valentines Day
by WolverinesDarlin
Summary: Everyone is enjoying a special holiday that Joker didn't know was today... nevermind that he didn't like it in the first place. Can one thief change his mind? Cute and first time coupling. Enjoy. M for some implied adult happenings.


_This is an RP I did with Cally Starkiller. Tons of fun! _

_Sorry for the delay… _

_Disclaimer: All rights belong to Bioware for creating such amazing characters and planets, and missions, and so on._

_ENJOY_

X.X.X.X

Joker sighed, "Just run them again EDI…"

"Jeff there was nothing-"

"JUST RUN THEM!" Joker shouted at the AI, irritated beyond words.

"Very well Jeff." She said in her usual Monotone voice before blinking away and running the checks.

Joker ran his hand over his scruffy face, annoyed and tired.

There was this constant rattling sound coming from the engine room and it was driving him insane. He had made EDI run checks on the system to make sure that there was nothing wrong with the engine but she had come up with nothing; but of course the noise had not stopped.

Joker shook his head and started to run his own checks over the main ships systems his mind started to wander as he ran the checks without really thinking about them, he'd ran them so many times before it was like breathing, it came naturally.

"Still nothing wrong with the engine room Jeff…" Joker jumped at EDI's voice.

"You know it's unfair that you don't have footsteps to tell me you're coming." Joker complained and re-adjusted his hat, pulling it up a little and then pulling it back down over his head.

"I apologize Jeff, I did not intend to startle you. But I do think I know what is making the noise that you are complaining about."

"I thought you said there was nothing wrong with it…" Joker looked over at her and rose one of his eyebrows.

"I did. There is nothing wrong with the engine it's simply a sexu-"

"WHOA! Stop talking!" Joker raised both of his hands up to her to halt her. "Are you saying that…"

"Engineer Gabriella and Engineer Kenneth are-"

"Holy shit!" Joker couldn't tell if he should laugh or be disgusted that all this time he was hearing two engineers go at it.

"What's holy shit?" Shepard asked from behind him.

"HOLY SHIT!" Joker exclaimed and spun his chair around to face his Commander. "Well the second one was because I thought my heart stopped longer than it should have."

Shepard rose her eyebrows and smirked. "Well what about the first one?"

"Well… uh… you know Kenneth and Gabby?"

"Uh huh…" She crossed her arms across her chest and nodded.

"Well… they're kinda goin' at it."

Shepard started to beam, "Aaw. I knew it!" Joker could have sworn she had just sounded like Kelly right there. "Rupert owes me 50 credits." Shepard laughed. "Well good for them…" She smiled one last time.

Joker stared at her wide mouthed, "You're happy for them?" He asked and Shepard nodded. "Well, that's fine be happy for them but... uh, you might wanna warn them about Miranda. She wouldn't really allow the two of them to be having a relationship, let alone during a work shift."

Shepard nodded her head in agreement, "You're right…" She had her mouth open to continue but stopped mid sentence when a large crash erupted from the Amory. Shepard spun on her heel and started walking towards the room to make sure everything was alright when she stopped and froze at the end of the bridge hallway.

Joker couldn't figure out why but when she started to walk backwards and waited until she was halfway back to the cockpit to start walking forwards again, her face was the image of confusion, and it didn't help that her jaw was on the floor.

"What? What is it?"

"Ken and Gabby aren't the only ones going at it." She said after bringing her jaw off the floor.

Joker's eyes became the same size as Mordin's at realization. "You're kidding."

Shepard just shook her head.

"Bitch lady and Jacob?" He was almost afraid to ask but he had to know.

Shepard nodded.

"You better go break that up I don't wanna be hearing it the whole time I'm down here."

"No way am I going in there!" Shepard shook her head violently and waved her arms around animatedly. "Noooo way. I'd rather take on an entire ship of collectors by mySELF than go in there…" She threw a thumb over her shoulder in the direction of the Amory.

Joker made a face and huffed, "Yeah but Commander…"

"Nope. Not doing it." She shook her head again and started walking away, "I'm going away from this deck."

She turned back around and stopped for a second. "Oh yeah I almost forgot. I want you to bring us into Illium, I need to talk to Liara." With that order she turned back around and covered her ears as she walked to the elevator.

Joker huffed and ran a hand down his face again, he really needed to shave.

For the next few hours EDI would update him on who and where and it was driving him nuts.

So far he'd been told that Kelly and Thane were duking it out in Life Support, Jack and Hawthore in her hidey hole, and Mordin and Samara in the Obseratory, PLUS Gabby and Kenneth in Engineering and Miranda and Jacob in the Armory.

If he heard about ONE more person…. "Jeff perhaps you would like to join Tali, Grunt, and Zaeed in the mess with the rest of the crew, they are playing a game called, 'Who would you do'…."

-Beat-

"and Chakwas and Rupe-"

Joker whimpered when he heard his thumb crack for the second time on the mute button. He stared at his broken thumb pathetically and let out a huff/whimper. "I should probably go get this set…"

He got ready to turn his chair to head up to the infirmory when he remembered what EDI was about to say, "Nope. No way am I going up there. Not only is everyone going crazy on this damn ship but if they AREN'T doing it they are playing a GAME about doing it. Geezus."

Joker sighed again and slumped in his chair, careful of his now broken thumb.

He checked the ships status and how their time was coming; another hour.

He closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep, slumping far into his chair. But the sounds coming from the Armory were enough to keep him up and disgusted.

He pressed the mute button again, unmuting EDI in the process. "EDI radio Shepard and try to get her to get everyone else to just stop for a bit… PLEASE?"

EDI blinked away and a moment later popped back up. "Jeff, Shepard is currently engaged with Officer Vakarian…"

"You're kidding me."

"No Jeff, I am not making a joke." EDI said in her plain monotone voice.

Jeff almost growled. "So you're telling me the only people who are NOT previously engaged are Tali, Grunt, and Zaeed?"

"And Legion… but he is…"

"Don't care EDI…." Joker sighed, disgusted. Which was strange… normally he would think he would be thrilled and just hack into the speakers and have a little sneak peak but for some reason he just… he didn't want to.

Was it possible that he was going for something more intimate than that? Joker shook his head and laughed, 'no way'.

Suddenly he felt his hat lift off his head. He spun around and what he saw put his jaw on the ground.

His hat was floating in mid air, but it was balanced and straight, as if it was on someones head but there was nothing there.

Suddenly his hat started shaking eratically and giggles filled the air. Suddenly Kasumi appeared under the hat, she doubled over, holding her stomach and laughed.

"You…. You shoulda seen your face! You were like…" Kasumi straightened up and tried her best to immitate his face. Her face reflected shock, annoyance, and fear all at once, but her immitation didn't last long before she started to laugh again.

"That was priceless."

Joker made a face at her, and laughed sarcastically. "Ha ha ha very funny, now gimme mah hat." He held his hand out to receive his precious hat and waited impatiently.

Kasumi giggled a little and gave him a sly look, "Well you should come and get it then." With her hood down and his favorite hat on her head she looked totally hot.

Joker squinted his eyes at her but her gentle but quirky expression made him relax a little. She seemed so… cute…. it was strange; he never thought those kind of words would come to his mind.

Sexy, yeah.

Hot, yep.

Super Sexy, all the time.

But not CUTE.

She cocked her head a little and made a small wink.

Joker made a hmph sound and gave her a dirty look before and slowly got out of his chair.

Kasumi smiled and took a single step backwards but didn't take another step after that.

Joker continued the dirty look as he reached for his hat while taking another step and when that step did not bring him close enough to snatch his hat he crossed his arms and tried to stare her down.

He failed.

She started giggling and he sighed.

Joker huffed and started to run his fingers through his flat trying to get rid of the terrible case of hat hair.

He looked to his right and wondered if EDI was making an annoying quips about the current situation. Probably trying to either scold him or try to baby him, he could swear EDI thought she was his mother.

Joker sighed again and looked at her, "PLEASE gimme mah hat?"

Kasumi smiled a little and pretended to ponder the option. "Alright… since you asked so nicely…" Kasumi started to take off the hat and her short black hair fell around her face, the ends of her hair stopping at her jaw line and her bangs almost falling into her eyes.

Kasumi held out the hat to him and as he was about to take it she snatched in back and did a front flip over him and landed gracefully and delicately on the console behind him. She was crouched with one hand balancing her on the console the other holding his hat hostage behind her back.

"Now that's just cheating." Joker scoffed and turned to face her again.

Her quirky grin sent shivers down his spine and made him want to melt.

Joker wondered what this was? Not even Shepard made him feel like that. _What does THAT mean?_

Kasumi smiled again and Joker tried to mimic the expression and figured it looked more like a watching a Geth try to dance, which is ironic since Legion is actually pretty good at it.

Kasumi giggled again, "Geez Joker you don't have to look like you're in pain…"

Joker sighed he was gonna screw this up. _She's flirting and liking you and you're making her think you aren't interested, way to go moron. _

Kasumi frowned. "You want you're hat back?"

She got off the console slowly and stood up properly and held the hat out.

Joker stared at it and then looked at her, she almost didn't look the same without it.

"Eh, keep it…." He waved his hand around in the air. "Probably looks better on you anyway." He grinned cheekily, replacing the thiefs smile.

"Actually… I think you kinda need it." She smirked.

Joker made a pouty face and covered his head with his arms, "Hey. Now you HAVE to gimme mah hat."

Kasumi laughed and when he put his arms down replaced it on his head snuggly. "There." She smiled.

They both grinned at eachother but remained silent for a bit. _Now what stupid?_

_Say something?_

_Like what?_

_Comment on her hair._

_Like what? What's up with your hair?_

_NO…. god you're such an idiot._

_Hey you're me so wouldn't that make YOU stupid to?_

_No, because I'm your logical and normal side of you, and you're the moron side. Too bad that's the side that is dominant._

_Aw c'mon nobody would like me if I was a goodie two shoes gentleman._

_I take that as a compliment actually._

_Alright we'll talk bout this later just tell me what to say Mister Gentleman._

_Say thank you…_

_For what?_

_Playing with you_

_She didn't play she teased._

_That's how you play dummy._

_No that's how I live. _

_There's a difference?_

_Yes._

_Oh my god…_

_*beat*_

_Wait…she's saying something pay attention!_

_Kay…_

"-bye" Kasumi started to walk past Joker when she grabbed her arm and held her.

"Wait what?"

"What?"

"I… could you repeat that I kinda zoned out for a second."

Kasumi raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes. "okay… I said thanks for playing, bye."

Joker nodded. "Oh… okay."

_You're an idiot._

_Shut up._

Kasumi started to pull her hood back up and started to walk away again. Joker turned around to watch when all of a sudden he blurted out for her to wait.

_What are you doing?_

_I have NO idea._

_Well you better think of something cause she really waited._

_Shit._

_My thoughts exactly._

"Thanks… for coming up here. I had fun… which I don't do very often." He smiled. "You gonna stop by again? Soon…. Preferrably." He gave her his cheeky grin.

Kasumi put her hood back down and smiled.

"Yeah definently."

Joker smiled, "Good. See you later then…"

Kasumi smiled and turned back around, this time Joker didn't stop her.

_NICE recovery._

_Thank you, thank you._

_Well hopefull we DO see her again?_

_We? Who's we?_

_Hey… I got you out of that…_

_Uuuh no you didn't._

_Did so._

_I'm ignoring you now._

_J_oker smiled and sat back down in his comfy, breathing leather seats and sighed in relief.

He FINALLY scored.

He turned back around and started hitting buttons on the console, running on auto pilot again.

Who would have guessed the Master Thief and a cripple would end up together….

Suddenly his chair spun around again and he felt lips on his own but saw nothing.

Then Kasumi appeared, kissing him gently and carefully.

She was standing with her hands bracing herself up on his armrests.

Joker was much to stunned to move,

_What's happening to me?_

_I thought you were ignoring me…._

_Desperate matters call for desperate measures. _

_Fine. She's kissing you._

_Willingly?_

_Yeah._

_Whoa._

_Yep._

_Shit._

_Haha…_

Finally, with the realization of what was happening, he started to kiss back but that's when Kasumi pulled away.

The two of them stared at each other, Kasumi still leaning over him with her hands on his armrests, breathing deeply.

"Wow." Joker breathed. "Didn't really expect that…"

"Is that bad….?

"No no!" Joker shook his head. "No…. it's good I just hadn't thought you'd want to…"

"Of course I'd want to." She smiled and winked at him.

Joker grinned again and watched as she disappeared.

He couldn't even hear her footsteps but he knew she had left again.

She appeared again at the end of the hallway. "Oh and Joker?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy Valentines Day."

Joker furrowed his brows and when she disappeared again he slapped his forehead.

X.X.X.X


End file.
